Dating

I've been classified as somewhat of a "serial dater". What is a "serial dater" you may ask? Well, it is someone who dates on a fairly regular basis without settling down. Now, let me define what I mean by dating for my fellow men that seem to be confused on the subject. Dating does not consist of asking a female to "Come to a party"; it's important for her substantiate that you are not a serial killer with a degree in roofies before a party is an acceptable outing. Number one rule to live by? Don't text your dating candidate at 3 a.m. asking them "What are you doing?". I've been informed that the female sex knows what we're up to; thanks Sarah.

So now that we know what dating isn't, what IS it exactly? Well, to me, it is the best phase of the relationship machine. Both parties are testing the waters; primped, prepped and on their best behavior with all of their flaws buried deep beneath a velvet sheet of humble charm. Guys have on clean shirts and their friends dress shoes while girls rock their most "come hither" outfits with shoes that make us marvel at their pain threshold. Sounds like the making of a magical evening. Now comes the hard part; where do you go?

Usually the responsibility falls to the man to pick the location; this is the first time (but far from the last) that the woman will highly over-estimate our romantic capacity. A few quick pointers guys: avoid anything sports related, involving your family, offers a value meal, or requires padding; save the latter for after shes already seen you embarrass yourself. So what does that leave? Well, now that you know that a Hersey Pie after your king size number two from Burger King doesn't classify as dinner and dessert, let's cover some ideas that will keep her in those seductive outfits for weeks to come.

The most important thing to remember is that women want the dreaded "R" word; romance. For some of us gentlemen this comes easy; for others it's like walking with both shoes on the wrong feet down an icy Allston sidewalk. Don't worry though; if you're actually taking her on a date you're already a better candidate then half of the other guys shes met that still think it's socially acceptable to "holler at a biddie". So what works? Well, first impressions are a critical aspect of the dating process. Pull out all the stops for the first date; make sure the place, or places you select are interesting but allow for ample conversation. For example, going to the movies is an awful first date; you sit next to a woman you just met, in the dark, with the Dolby Digital roaring on all sides, while you shovel fist fulls of popcorn into your mouth and wipe the salty-butter residue on your pants. Save this for at least the third date. I would recommend a trip to the Improv Asylum in the North End for a show and a few glasses of wine or their lovely bucket o' beer if that's more your style. After the show, if you're really classy, why not treat her to some fine dining at anyone of the North Ends fine dining like Dolce Vita or Tresca. Or for those of you with a more modest wallet, head to Mikes Pastry for cannoli's or biscotti; who says you can't ball on a budget.

As a true blue mama's boy, the best piece of advice I can give is to treat woman with respect, always pay for everything, open doors, and always tell her how beautiful she looks; beautiful, not hott. Follow these guidelines and you will be beating the women off with a stick. And yes ladies, I am single and accepting dates.